Monday, July 21, 2014
After the military, I can remember writing a piece about him for a now defunct newspaper. I was maxed out upset to see the show end and went through a period of grief. How could Jim leave us? Looking back now, "The Rockford Files" was a much simpler time. His cases were pretty straight forward. Rarely was there gun play. I think he had a girl friend but there was little snuggle time if you get my drift. Rocky, the Dad lived with him but we don't much family drama: no Twitter/Facebook. I still miss Jim Rockford. God bless him on his journey.
Sunday, July 06, 2014
In a set of circumstances, I tried to assist a family member in getting into a drug rehab program. Here are a string of emails, disguised of course. The issue at hand is getting a "heroin addict" in a program.
- The only thing that matters between you and me is how very much I have always loved you, and always will; how much you love me.
- I know you are a heroin addict. (Just learned.)
Any shame or disappointment or anger you imagine I might feel would be meaningless even if it were real. Any disappointment or anger or betrayal you might feel – because I did not figure out what was going on with you, because I failed in my role as the source of strength and wisdom you believed you could count on, your invincible protector – all of that is now meaningless, even if it were real.
The world boils down to two incontrovertible truths:
- You are in a fight for your life. And the only person in the world who can fight that fight … is you.
- Games and denial will kill you. If you choose not to fight, you will die. If you choose to die, it is my greatest wish that, as you take your last breath, you will hold in your heart all the love I feel for you. You have always been the light of my life. Nothing you have ever done, or ever will do, can ever change that.
Just like everything else in life, this is a choice. This is the most difficult choice you will ever face, because you are engaged with a demon that will never wave a fond farewell. Every day of your life, you will wake up and look in the mirror and see that demon standing beside you. Your only hope of survival is to surround yourself with people who know how to fight this demon. People who will help you remember how very important you are to the world. Not just to my world; but to your own world. The talents you bring to the world. Your capacity to love and be loved by so many of us. All of that is worth living for.
Be very clear, no matter how much we all wish it were not so – no matter how desperately I wish I could wrap you in my arms and save you from this ravenous disease that can, without doubt, steal you away from me … there is no one currently in your world, who can give you the help you need. You must choose to seek that help, those people, on your own.
Please, Please choose to fight. Please choose to seek the people who can help you. You do not have to walk this horror alone.
One of the great advantages of being a soldier all these years, you get hardened to the BS factor. All we are interested in is the "Addict." This is only about her. I don't hold out much hope, the term, the demon, pretty appropriate. .
All of her family appear to be pretty sad characters. Based on past experience I have to say, to be even more candid, I have to say that I am not so much hopeful as realistic. The addict is not going to follow through and when they do, she is 26 -- so no minor/legal issues; plus I can't imagine two more toxic people to have around someone who might be trying to find the courage to heal. And certainly, they aren't exactly role models for the process! Admit to regularly smoking pot and abusing other drugs and alcohol.
Thursday, July 03, 2014
"They didn't speak to me."
Maybe they didn't see me. Their life is out of control, they are just trying to make it through the day. Loads of things. (Self talk in your head). You control your thinking and "don't believe everything you think."
Monday, June 30, 2014
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Monday, June 23, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Did I suggest to the Lieutenant that he should consider another course of action. Yes. I told him what Vietnam was like. That he had a good chance of getting killed, that I had become disillusioned with the war and that I would probably go back to Vietnam because I had an obligation to the troops. Yes, I confess, I probably encouraged him to defect. 40 years later, how do I feel about it. I wish I had talked more into it.